Due to their overwhelming lack of social skills, the gay
man’s 'trolls' aren’t that hard to detect if you know what
to look for.
The majority of them are usually oblivious to anyone or
anything but themselves, and thus behave in a way that
makes you shudder with embarrassment.
A classic example is someone who sends you naked pictures
of themselves without asking, or giving any indication
that’s what they’re going to do, first.
Another example is someone who bugs you for your personal
contact details even after you have already declined.
There are literally millions of gay men and women online
daters out there - you can easily afford to be picky.
If you have a bad feeling about someone, trust it!
However, be aware that there are some other, more
malevolent trolls, who will try to bait you and lure you in
to talking with them or meeting them.
So how can you tell if they’re a troll?
When I first began using online dating I had no idea,
I was completely naive.
Resultingly, I fell victim to a troll on more than one
occasion – thankfully I have never been physically bashed
but:
• I’ve been homo-bashed in a chat room by an obvious
gay-person hater. In fact, I think it was a 2 or 3 of them
having a good laugh.
• I’ve gone on dates with troll’s, more than once.
Shortly after we met it became very obvious they were
nothing like they described.
• I had to change my phone number because I foolishly
gave it out to a desperate troll who wouldn’t take 'no' for
an answer.
I’m not trying to showcase my stupidity! I am just giving
the reasons why I had to, out of necessity, develop some
kind of early detection system.
After a lot of trial-and-error, for both myself and my
clients, I developed a check-list of yellow-flags'. Here
are atwo of them:
1. Move-Out Ya Bum!
If you get any hints that they still live with their mom
and dad, that’s a sign of a troll.
If they are young then it’s probably OK, but most gay
online daters are mid-20’s and upwards.
From my experience, a grown gay man or woman still living
at home is cause for concern.
If a relationship did start, you would have to always use
your place. Additionally, you have to wonder if his or her
parents even know your date is gay.
If they don’t, visiting would be like being 14 all over
again….imagine – you visit, date introduces you as a friend
and then tells his/her mother you are going up to the
bedroom..
Mom asks if you want some milk and cookies... and the whole
time you're in constant fear she will burst through the
door at any time…
You get the picture.
Be sure to clarify, however, who is living with whom. It
may be the case that it is the dater’s house and their
parents actually live with them.
2. The Pungency of Desperation
Any whiff of desperation is a sign — if they can’t 'get'
anyone, there’s probably a good reason.
Desperation can come in the form of:
- wanting to hook-up for a date very soon after you have
met them online.
- claiming to love you even though you haven’t yet met in
person.
- making future plans for your lives together even though
you haven’t yet met in person.
- talking a lot about depression, intense loneliness,
suicide and other dark thoughts.
- telling you very private details about their life way too
soon.
- offering to give you their contact details even though
you've only spoken (typed) once or twice online.
- when you log into your online dating service there are 6
messages waiting for you even though you only met them
online for the first time yesterday.
- being too agreeable. Very easy to fall for this one. If
they seem to have no opinion of their own and concur with
you on every issue, they may be willing to say anything to
get a date.
What do you do? Run like hell!
No seriously, ever heard the song ‘Klingons Off The
Starboard Bow’?
Well the more desperate a dater is, the more they will
cling-on.. it could become a problem you can do without..
like I said earlier, it lead to me changing my phone
number!
That’s it for today, we have run out of room. To sum up,
you need these to recognize these early warning signs to
save you from the same tragic events I endured.
So, be wary of a grown man or woman who still hasn’t left
the nest and be even more wary of the desperate-dater.
In the next part of this series I will discuss 2 more
yellow-flag indications the person on the other end is
probably a troll and how to get around them.
I call them the ‘Statute of Contact Limitations’ and ‘No
Sepia-Toned Photos Please’.
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